Over the years of treating patients in pain, I have seen a fair amount of pain and suffering. There are always many aspects that contribute to pain. Some pain is purely physical, but I have come to believe that almost always there is more to it than just physical findings. Factors like stress, economics, environment, social support and emotions play a huge part in our perception of pain and how we respond. I believe in everyone's life there are 5 key Modifiers that effect our response to pain. I call these the 5 F's of managing pain and suffering.
The five F's are FRIENDS, FAMILY, FITNESS, FAITH AND PHARMACY. Yes, I know pharmacy does not start with an F, but it sounds like it does. The status of the 5 F's in your life make all the difference in how you deal with pain. Each of these 5 f's can be the greatest weapon in your arsenal to manage the pain that's in your life. But just like every weapon, if it's not a good weapon, then it can harm us. And these 5 f's can also be the greatest detriment in our lives and make every aspect of pain and suffering worse. We all know good friends and we know bad friends and the same is true with family. Which of these we allow to speak into our lives can make a dramatic difference on our perception of pain and suffering. I believe in the strength of the human body. And the body that is fit, is more able to deal with pain and overcome suffering than a body that has been allowed to deteriorate . And last, but probably most important, is faith. When your faith lies in a creator there is no greater weapon than faith to battle the war of suffering.
Let's start with FRIENDS. We live our lives with friends. They support us, they love us, they are "there for us", most of the time. But friends can also hold us back, lead us on the wrong roads and at times, let us down. The friends we choose and that choose us have a great effect on our lives and can definitely effect our trajectory. The voice of a friend who loves us and has our best interests at heart can lift us above levels than we can lift ourselves. But at the same time, if we choose to listen to the wrong voices, they can also tear us down, destroy our mind and weaken our thoughts. But one way or the other, they DO paint a part of the picture of our lives. So be careful who you hand the brush to. It can be the difference between a masterpiece and a disaster piece.
I always want to run longer, more miles, more time. It was always a challenge for me to outlast other runners. If I was at a gym, running on a treadmill and someone else got on the treadmill next to me, the race was on. It would not matter if I had been running 9 minutes or 90 minutes, I would not get off the treadmill as long as someone was on next to me. I would run until my legs fell off. But I WOULD NOT get off before my "rival". This "pathology" was strengthened by the best running buddy I ever had, Phillip Kizzia.
Phillip and I were two peas from the same pod when it came to running. We ran endless miles together in all sorts of conditions. We loved to "suffer" together. We pledged to never let anyone run longer on a treadmill than us. There were times when we would be late getting back to work because "someone" got on the treadmill by us. And this was obviously a challenge to our manhood. But we did a lot of things that my wife, Angie, would say is the, "dumbest thing I have ever heard"! I have put in more than one marathon session trying to outdo someone who had no idea that we were locked in a life or death battle of wills. But I never lose!
We would crave the hottest days of the year for running. I viewed heat as the great equalizer. I didn't care how fast you were or how strong you were, I felt like when the temperatures rose above 100 degrees, I was more ready to suffer than you were. So the battle came down to: could you suffer as good as I could? In the classic ancient book The Art of War, Sun Tzu says "Good warriors take their stand in ground where they can not lose". And I knew that in the heat, I would not lose. Phillip felt the same way. We wanted it as hot as possible. We could defeat anyone in the heat, because we won the battle in the mind.
Many of the best lessons I've learned in life, I've learned from running. I've always looked at life as a marathon. I've suffered through many a marathon only to feel the glory of crossing the finish line. And I know that in life we will face both joy and suffering as we run our way through life. The power of friendship has been evident in my life through my running. And the importance of friends who help us battle in our thoughts was always magnified when we ran together.
The battle of the mind is the battleground where the war of suffering and pain is fought. I was strong in the heat and strong over long distances and that strength was fortified by my friend. We fought these battles together. We fought as one. I knew that some days I would be weak, but I knew he would be strong. And I also knew that some days he would be weak, but I would be strong. But I knew together our friendship would make us both strong.
But unfortunately, as good of a friend as Philip was, there are also friends that are not so good for us. There are friends that lead us into things that will actually hurt us and not build us up. There are friends that instead of strengthening us when we are weak, only drag us further down. Some also drag us down when we feel strong. I have seen so many people in my practice who suffer from pain but as a result of their friendships and their acquaintances their pain is only made worse. They have people in their lives who try to take from them. People who want nothing but more and more. We call them friends loosely but they really are not friends. They are more or less acquaintances, only thinking of themselves.
However, when you're in a situation like that, sometimes that friend is all that you really think you have. And so you stick with that person even though you know it's bad for you. Even though you know it pulls you down. I have seen so many patients who suffer from pain, real physical pain, but their pain is made worse by psychological stress and emotional stresses that is laid on them by their friends. I have also seen so many patients make bad decisions because their friends offered them something that maybe they thought would help them. Some other form of drug or medicine or whatever but it's led them down a pathway of destruction. A pathway of dependence, digging a hole that is even harder and harder to get out. When we suffer pain, the way we respond to that pain is greatly influenced by our friends and acquaintances. If we're able to make the right decisions and have the right people around us that want to support us and truly look out for our best interests, we flourish. People around us who look for the opportunity to build us up will strengthen our resolve. Then our ability to work through pain is realized. And we don't really suffer through the pain, but we learn to overcome the pain and grow.
Pain truly is inevitable in our lives. Our bodies break down. The world is stressful. Sometimes we just can't avoid the pain. But we do have the ability to work through the pain, to overcome the pain, and truly not suffer but to continue to live a life that can be abundant. But there is no question, that this is greatly influenced by our friends.
In the same way that friends can influence us, we can influence others! So I challenge you to be the friend that looks for the opportunity to build the other person up. Be the friend that looks for the opportunity to lessen the suffering that your friends go through. No matter what is causing the pain or suffering, look for every opportunity to be a strength and not a detriment.
When we learn to suffer, we learn to overcome overwhelming obstacles. When we strive together we destroy the same obstacles!
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